I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
