So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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