I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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