oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
