Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
