I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
