On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
