I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize