i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
