How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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