hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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