The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
