omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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