when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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