Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
