If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
