I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
