My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
