They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
