If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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