After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
