is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
