Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
