Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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