So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize