exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
