VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
