What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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