I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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