I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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