sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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