its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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