i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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