I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize