why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
