So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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