Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
