We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
