Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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