so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
