God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
