Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
