i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
