Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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