Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
