she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
