maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
