If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
