they need to just BURY HIM!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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