its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
