I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize