My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
