Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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