you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
