I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
