Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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