I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
