***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
