I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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