she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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