lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize