ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
either way he was missing a nipple.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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