people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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