So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
