I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
