these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
