Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
