yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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