I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I see more hoeing in ur future
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