he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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