I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
