chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize