my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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