Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
